## Description ## Transcript - Work on a Gridlocked or Perpetual Problem: Help Your Partner Understand the Underlying Dreams, History, Beliefs, or Values in your Position on This Issue ### Speaker's Job Your task is to honestly talk about your feelings and beliefs about your position on this issue. Explore what this position means to you, what the *dream* might be behind your position, tell the story of the source of this dream or this belief: where it comes from and what it symbolizes. You must be clear and honest. What do you really want on this issue? Why is it important to you? Try to make your partner understand. *Don't argue for nor try to persuade your partner of your point of view; just explain how you see things. Tell your partner your thoughts and feelings about your position on this issue.* You may want to look over the list below for a sample of dreams that people sometimes have (or have lost) that could underlie the position you have taken on this issue. ### Listener's Job *Your job here is to make your partner feel SAFE enough to tell you what's behind their position on the issue: their belief, dream, or story*. Toward the end, you will *listen*, the way a friend would listen. *Ask the questions* that are listed below as sample questions for the dream catcher which draw out your partner and their point of view.k You can contribute to this climate if you *suspend judgment* and don't act like a judge but like someone who wants to hear your partner's story, and the dream behind the story.k Just hear it and don't judge it. *Don't try to solve the problem*. It is much too soon for that. You first need to end the opposition of dreams and become one another's friend instead of one another's foe. Try to understand the meaning of your partner's dream. Be interested. *It is important to realize that the goal is not to solve these problems. The goal is to move from gridlock to dialog, and to understand, in depth, you partner's position*. **Don't argue for your point of view! Just listen and ask questions** ### Sample Questions - Do you have any core beliefs, ethics, or values that are part of your position on this issue? - Is there a story behind this for you, or does this relate to your background or childhood history in some way? - Tell me why this is so important for you. - What feelings do you have about this issue? - What would be your ideal dream here? - Is there a deeper purpose or goal in this for you? - What do you wish for? - What do you need? - Is there a fear or disaster scenario in not having this dream honored? ### Sample Dreams - A sense of freedom - The experience of peace - Unity with nature - Exploring who I am - Adventure - A spiritual journey - Justice - Honor - Unity with my past - Healing - Knowing my family - Becoming all I can be - Having a sense of power - Dealing with my aging - Exploring a creative side of myself - Becoming more powerful - Getting over past hurts - Becoming more competent - Asking God for forgiveness - Exploring an old part of myself I have lost - Getting over a personal hang up - Having a sense of order - Being able to be productive - A place and a time to just "be" - Being able to truly relax - Reflecting on my life - Getting my priorities in order - Finishing something important - Exploring the physical side of myself - Being able to compete and win - Travel - Quiteness - Atonement - Building something important - Ending a chapter of my life - Saying goodbye to something - Love